Finding the Right Dom(me)

How do I find the right Domme?

I was actually a bit surprised when I was asked this question three different times in the span of 24 hours. So I thought I’d add some of my advice.

Now remember, take this all with a grain of salt. If you do these things and still don’t find the Domme of your dreams, don’t come to me with “But Goddess Sunset promised!”. Nah, I’m not promising shit. Every Domme is different and likes to be approached in different ways.

A D/s relationship is a….wait for it…RELATIONSHIP. You should approach finding the right Domme as you would approach finding your soul mate.

First bit of advice: know yourself.

Know what you are looking for. If you have no idea what you are hoping to explore, then any old Domme will do. If you are brand new to kink, do your research. And no, watching a ton of porn does not count. Are there certain kinks that you are interested in and just hoping to try out in a safe and controlled environment? Are you looking for a local prodomme for a few one-off sessions? Are you looking for a local Domme to create a long term relationship? Do personal circumstances allow for an online-only relationship? Be completely honest with yourself and your needs. You should not be catering your wants and needs to a specific Domme. The perfect Domme dynamic is definitely out there.

Be patient.

I get it. You have a dick and you think with it often. But just going with the first pretty Domme you see is going to end up disastrous. This is like dating. Yes, it might mean talking with several Dommes at a time. It might mean being taken under consideration, only to find out that things might not actually work out. And that’s ok. Don’t get too bent out of shape. I have definitely told subs that I don’t think we’d be a good match.

But I’ve been “burned” before!

I hear that often from subs who have had played with or submitted to FinDommes. If you sent her a tribute and she immediately blocked you, then yes, you were burned. It sucks. Get over it. However, if you started to develop a relationship and she stopped talking to you when you could no longer sent to her, you were not burned. If you and your girlfriend broke up, would you feel burned if you paid for a few dates or bought her a few gifts? No. Why? Because it comes with the territory.

Don’t search in just one place.

I guarantee you can find Dommes on many different platforms; Twitter, Discord, Kik, Reddit, Fetlife…just to name a few. You are usually able to get to know a bit about them on these platforms. Take your time to read their material, don’t just drool over their pictures. If you truly think you two might have kinks in common, then you should approach in however way she has described.

So, curious what this might look like in action? I’ll use myself as an example.

Subs that I immediately respond to usually make some mention of my blog posts or twitter posts and send along an appropriate tribute. Additionally, subs may also get to know me in the Findom Discord or Kik groups that I am apart of. I find that many in my Kik groups didn’t even identify as a finsub before they sent their first tribute to me. So here’s my last bit of advice:

Be open.

Enjoy the search process. Don’t go into every interaction thinking, “OMG! Is this is? Have I found my forever Domme??”. Let things happen and flow naturally. If it works out, great! If not, remember the good times and keep it moving.

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